Someone asked me in good faith to help them understand my problem with the changes to Policy 713 in New Brunswick schools. They just genuinely didn’t understand what the issues are with what is being proposed and wanted to understand my perspective. This was my answer.

 

I would clarify one point to begin: under both new and old versions of Policy 713, the schools, admin staff and teachers are never in a position to inform parents about their children’s name and pronoun preferences. This is explicitly stated in the policy, and there’s no provision in there for anyone working for the school to contact a parent to talk about a student’s name and pronouns.

 

So, that’s not in question or at issue at all despite what some might like you to think. The political phrasing of this question as “deleting parents” or “schools/teachers hiding information” has muddied this point, but it’s important to note schools and teachers telling parents is not nor has ever been part of the policy.  Schools do not intervene directly in that parent/child relationship on this subject for obvious reasons (like it may not be safe for the child).

 

I would also concede that for many children, this may not be a problem if they have good, supportive parents who are not worried about so-called “gender ideology.” There have always been LGBTQ+  kids, and there always will be. A lot more parents are cool with that than there used to be, but there are still many who are not.

 

The controversy around the Policy 713 changes focuses on the children under age 16 who don’t have a parent’s support to come out at school. My wife and I know personally of several families in our town (let alone our region and province) where the kids do not have this support.

 

People like Faytene talk about villainizing and not trusting parents as the problem. That’s very convenient for her argument, but the fact is there are many parents who know their kids are trans or non-binary and do not support it. When I say this, I mean that their kids have come out to them, and the kids were told there is absolutely no way they are changing names or pronouns at school. This isn’t fiction or theoretical – we know these families by name, and our kids know many more than me.

 

Unfortunately, the rampant politicization of this by conservatives and the alt-right media has made coming out even worse. It seems like every troll on Twitter has some “proof” that being trans/non-binary is indoctrination, and some of these folks genuinely believe that with the proper support the gender dysphoria will go away. I think we’ve heard these stories for ages where some think they can “pray away the gay,” which just isn’t possible.

 

It’s also not helpful that we are talking about a small number of kids that makes it easy to dismiss. I’ve seen some estimates of trans folks being between 0.5-1.5% of the population. I’m not in any position to validate this, but that feels about right to me. Let’s say for argument’s sake that it’s true. If 98-99% of the world has a different life experience, then it’s very hard for everyone to understand and respect what’s different about you if you’re trans.

 

This is why we need policies like 713 that protect these small minority populations. It’s extremely easy to dismiss the small group of kids as “weirdos” or “mentally ill” or “ideologically corrupt.” However, we all know that there is nothing out of the ordinary about it when you look at the worldwide picture. At a school level though, it might be 8-10 kids out of 800 who are trans. So, probably a smaller group than the chess club or the “Reach for the Top” team.

 

Policy 713 was designed to specifically support this small group of estimated 1% of kids per school. Policy 713 was originally designed by the Education department between 2018-2020 in consultation with experts. EECD’s engagement of stakeholders to help build Policy 713 was correct, because most people don’t have the firsthand knowledge or experience to design a policy to protect trans kids.

 

The intent of the policy is to protect and support the small amount of trans, non-binary and gender-diverse kids per school. So, while I can appreciate everyone being entitled to an opinion about it, the entire policy is about supporting these “1% kids” and promoting their health and well-being – it’s not about everyone being “cool with it.”

 

Why doesn’t everyone need to approve?  We don’t design school policies for kids with health concerns or mobility issues at school, and then go around and ask all of the parents of healthy, able-bodied kids if they are “cool with it.”

 

Just because you pay taxes or have a kid in school doesn’t mean you get a say on every school policy. The policy is designed to address one group of kids with particular challenges, and it really only matters if those who are affected think it’s appropriate.

 

It’s important to understand that when the kid is “in the closet” with the wrong gender identity, they are being harmed. Some might say, “That’s ridiculous, they aren’t being hurt!” Well, yes they are – mentally and emotionally.

 

It’s not like a punch to the face. It’s deep unease, fear and anxiety with the person you see when you look in the mirror. And, as puberty progresses and body changes accelerate, the dysphoria grows worse as well as the mental and emotional turmoil.

 

What happens to these kids when they aren’t supported? They are far less likely to be successful students and emotionally healthy adults when they leave school. They may become depressed, they may withdraw so they don’t have to deal with it or other people. Many dabble with drugs and alcohol as a way to cope. Some run away from home. They become disengaged from school, or maybe drop out. And, for really severe cases, they sadly consider or commit suicide.

 

So, what helps these kids? Somehow affirming what they are going through. And what’s really super-helpful? Everyone treating you like you are the gender to which you identify.

 

And what’s the main way we do that for kids in school? They choose a gender-affirming name and pronoun. There’s no better way to affirm someone’s gender than to respect their name and pronouns.

 

Trans kids try these name/pronoun changes out with friends first, and often these kids will talk with each other about what their new names should be. And of course, this is completely normal. What would you do if you had to choose a new name? If you weren’t close to your family or ready to tell them, you would probably try it out and chat about it with your friends first.

 

That is, if you have any friends that you can talk to about these feelings. Again we are talking a small group of kids who may be socially isolated to begin with. Those friends you do have might not get the idea of choosing a new name at all. But, my point is that anyone – adult or child – is more likely to discuss a new name with friends first than with parents in my opinion.

 

Another thing people don’t talk about but is definitely a factor when coming out to families – parents are often emotionally invested in their child’s name, which makes changing it problematic for them. Even if they fully support the child, they will struggle with letting go of that name. It may be a family name or a name that they agonized over and focus-grouped for months before selecting. It’s something that some parents have a real struggle with.

 

Back to the Policy. So there’s two types of accommodations that Policy 713 can offer – formal and informal.

• Informal – Kid asks the teacher, “Hey, can you call me Brian instead of Brittany? And my pronouns are now he/him.” Teacher says, “Policy 713 says I must support you so I will, even if I don’t personally agree.”
• Formal – Kid’s name gets changed in Microsoft Teams, roll call, transcripts, school/district systems to their preferred name. This prevents the kid from being deadnamed and misgendered by the school systems.

 

Let’s start by reviewing formal accommodations. Under the age of 16, formal accommodation can only happen with parental consent in both the old and new versions of the policy – no matter what. The changes to Policy 713 by Higgs don’t affect this at all. Parents are not now – and never were before – left out of the process of formal accomodation.

 

When a kid chooses a new name, they want their birth name wiped away as much as possible.  They don’t want to be reminded of how they felt about themselves before they came out and affirmed their gender.  Using their old name is actually called “dead-naming,” because that name is dead to them and they don’t want to be reminded of it or how it made them feel anymore.

 

So, of course a kid is going to prefer to have formal accommodation because it’s a much better option for them. When birth name and gender is used against their wishes, that is going to increase the child’s dysphoria. They are going to want that name changed in every school system possible. And that means of course they will want to come out to their family so they can be formally accommodated – if their parents are willing to do it for those kids under 16.

 

So, that’s formal accomodation.

 

As for informal accommodation:

• Under the old policy 713 – Teachers say, “Policy 713 says I must support you so I will, even if I don’t personally agree.”
• Under the new policy 713 – Teachers say, “Unless I have evidence that your parents support this, I can’t help you.”

 

So, why are advocates for trans kids making a big deal over the informal accommodation needing parental consent?

 

• It goes backward – Kids under 16 are losing the ability to be informally accommodated if their parents aren’t in the loop. As discussed above, there’s lots of good reasons kids should continue to be accommodated.

 

• It hurts kids – No informal accommodation is going to worsen their gender dysphoria and have negative impacts on mental health that could lead to suicide in the worst cases.

 

• It’s really not that big of a deal to call a kid by their preferred name – Long gone are the days where teachers will only call kids by the name on their birth certificate. Kids go by “nicknames” all of the time. And while this one is particularly and immensely meaningful to the trans kid, for the teacher it’s really no different than calling a kid “Steve” instead of “Stephen” if that’s what the kid prefers.

 

• Some parents are not supportive – One thing that trans kids tell us point-blank it that many parents refuse to support them. The parents don’t believe in trans kids, they think the whole thing is a liberal media trick, blah blah blah. Some parents may even be okay with it, but know their own parents (the kid’s grandparents) or extended family is not. Sometimes one parent is okay, but the other parent is completely opposed. At the end of the day for whatever reason, the parents won’t support the kid choosing a gender affirming name and pronoun at school. So, they just tell the kid to wait it out. And as a result, the kid continues to suffer.

 

• It’s being revised for the wrong reasons – This policy was in effect since 2020 with no issues. It’s only being changed now because Higgs and Hogan don’t agree with it for ideological reasons, not health and welfare reasons. We know this because they struggled for days and weeks to explain why it was being reviewed. When asked to justify the review, they said letters from parents. When asked to show us the letters, they came up with three. So, this has been a bad faith effort from the beginning. The ends do not justify the means, and the revisions are the fruit of a poisonous tree.

 

• Slippery slope – I’ve seen this “slippery slope” argument being trotted out in defense of Higgs, but I think it’s much more likely that the “slippery slope” will work against trans kids, not in favour of them. If we see accommodations taken away from trans kids with little or no rational justification, what’s next? Trans health care for kids? What else does the government get to decide to take away from trans people without demonstrating any harms being committed? Given what’s happening in the U.S., it’s much more likely to work against trans kids as that movement spreads. So, we have to stand firm against any rollback of trans/LGBTQ+ rights and accommodations.

 

• It’s political – The justifications from Higgs in particular since May 5 have seldom talked about kids being harmed. It’s talked about “drag queen story time” and “litter boxes” and “boys in girls bathrooms” and all of the other bad-faith, invalid anti-trans tropes that we see in the media everyday. It’s not about parents at all, it’s about his political ideology, and now he’s just evolved his message to a point where it is more politically palatable.

 

• It’s an inappropriate abuse of power – What if the Premier believed that asthma was a myth and reached down into the school policies to start tweaking the air regulations in the schools? You’d be like, “Hey, asthma is a real thing and affects my kid. You’re not an expert, so why are you fooling around with air policies?” And, then instead of backing off, the Premier incited a legion of “asthma-deniers” to come to his defense?
  You might rightly say, “It’s not the Premier’s job to tweak individual school policies to suit his belief system. We need to rely on the kids affected and experts to tell us what these policies should be.” This is how the debate looks to those that advocate for our trans kids. It’s inappropriate political interference.

 

I probably went far too long, and again this is just my take on the subject. I’m open to feedback from those in the LGBTQ+ community to correct anything they feel I may have misstated with their lived experiences. But I hope this is a good explanation of my concerns over the Policy 713 changes.

 

Thanks for asking and for listening.